Sunday, July 31

Random Picture From My iPhoto


I'm confused. What is this a recipe for?

2 Shots of Happy
1 Shot of Sad
and a Splash of Matt Dusk
Makes What?

or is it...

2 Shots of Happy
1 Shot of Sad
to make a Splash of Matt Dusk

Either way, My Mind is Blown. Damn You Las Vegas!

(By the way, I applaud everyone that didn't have a problem with that Tag Line)

Saturday, July 30

3 Things You Might Like

Most Blogs Stop On The Weekends Not This One....Unlike Loverboy, I Work On the Weekends.

If you are a Fan of Frank Black and Kelly Clarkson, Check out this MP3 . It's a Mashup of "You Ain't Me" and "Since You've Been Gone".

It's Summer Time so of Course you are Thinking.... NINJAS

Check out a really Funny Post from My Friend John Bowie's Blog about the Randy Newman Classic "I Love LA" (From July 27th)
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If You are in LA Area, check out The Upcoming Shows Section of My Website For a Bunch of Live Performances.

Friday, July 29

Questions People Don't Want Answered



1.) What the Fuck is Your Problem?
2.) Are You Retarded?
3.) What are you? An Asshole?
4.) Why Don't You Go Back to the Rock from Which You Crawled out From?
5.) What the Fuck are You Looking At?

Please Feel Free to Add Your Own....

Thursday, July 28

Return of the Blog

Yes, I'm a Jerk. I've been extremely Deliquent with Blogging and all I've given you in return is Excuses...but no Longer.

My Blogging Continues.

Currently I'm in Los Angeles, without Cable TV, so as you can imagine there will be alot more time to spend on more important things, like typing on my computer.

Let's get started with this....


Check out the new Episode of Shutterbugs , that I had a chance to be apart of for Channel 102. Not to Brag but it is currently the top rated pilot on 102.

Wednesday, July 20

A Whole Buncha Shows

I'VE BEEN BAD AT POSTING. I'M SORRY. I WAS SWAMPED ALL LAST WEEK. I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO INTO THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM AND LONG STORY SHORT, I DIDN'T. I HAD TO RUN FOR MY LIFE AND KILL THE GANGSTERS I SAW KILL MY WIFE AND BABY BOY, ALL WHILE I WAS POISONED.

But Let's not Dwell on the Negative- I'm Back with 3 Amazing Shows. That You Can't Miss!



It's Time For the Del Close Marathon...Check the Calendar For More Shows and Details.

THE UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE AT SUMMERSTAGE
A Free Performance of ASSSSCAT in Central Park
JULY 21st, 2005
Doors 6:30pm
Performance at 7:00pm

The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre is proud to announce their participation in the 20th anniversary of Central Park SummerStage by doing a special presentation of their weekly show ASSSSCAT. All four original members of the The Upright Citizens Brigade: Matt Besser (Crossballs: The Debate Show, The Bernie Mac Show), Amy Poehler (Saturday Night Live, Mean Girls), Ian Roberts (Anchorman, Bring it On) and Matt Walsh (Elf, Old School) will host their no-holds barred fully-improvised show which promises to be the largest long-form improvisational performance ever seen.

This performance features Saturday Night Live’s Horatio Sanz and Rob Riggle, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart’s Rob Corddry, and Paul Scheer from VH1’s Best Week Ever plus special guests.

This special performance of ASSSSCAT takes place on July 21st 7:30pm at the Rumsey Playfield just south of 72nd Street Central Park. This performance is totally free and is one of the many events in support of the UCB Theatre’s 7th Annual Del Close Improvised Marathon.

Location and Directions Central Park SummerStage is located at Rumsey Playfield in Central Park. Enter the park at 69th Street and 5th Avenue on the east side or at 72nd Street and Central Park West on the west side.

Subway
East side: 6 train to 68th or 77th Streets
West side: 1, 2, 3, 9, B or C trains to 72nd Street
_______________________________________________________

Match Game 76
For the last 5 years a strange occurence has happened, a time vortex opens on the UCB Theater Stage and the audience is transported back to Hollywood California in 1976 to see a taping of MATCH GAME 76. Scholars believe that this will once again happen this year. Will you be there..I know Gene Rayburn and Elliott Gould will be. Please be aware that breaking the time continum affects the celebrities and fights might break out and the audience in the front row are in danger!

Featuring:
Last Year The Cast Included:
Uncle Sam
Jimmy Carter
Burt Reynolds
Dom Deliuse
Sandy Duncan
Burt Reynolds
Loni Anderson
Col. Sanders
David Lee Roth
Gene Wilder
Elliott Gould
Evil Knievel
Charles Manson and many More!

Sunday, July 24, 2:30 am
@ Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
307 West 26th Street
(between 8th and 9th Avenues)
___________________________________________

CRASH TEST presents... DATE TEST!
Monday, July 25 - 11 pm
UCB Theatre (26th btw. 8th and 9th Ave)

Are young, single, and ready to meet someone special?

If so - this Monday at "Crash Test" let acclaimed dating gurus Paul Scheer and Aziz Ansari set you up on a dream date! We'll treat you and your date to fine wine, delicious food, and much, much more. In addition, we have some great comedians joining us for this special installment of "Crash Test" including...

Todd Barry (Conan, "Falling of the Bone" on Comedy Central Records)

Patrick Borelli (Conan, Comedy Central)

and

Dan Cronin (Conan, Comedy Central)

If you are interested in Paul and Aziz setting you up on a date, please send us an email with the subject line "Date Test" and also include whether you are a boy or girl in the subject. In the body of the email, provide us a link to your myspace profile or friendster profile to crashtestUCB@gmail.com. Also answer three questions for us:

1) Whats your favorite band?

2) Whats your favorite movie?

3) What celebrity do you most associate yourself with?

We'll only be setting up 3 dates, so act fast! You'll just need to show up at 10 pm at the UCB Theatre on Monday before "Crash Test" and Paul and Aziz will take care of the rest.

Don't miss this rare opportunity to let professional matchmakers Paul Scheer and Aziz Ansari set you up on the date of a lifetime!

Wednesday, July 13

UPN is 10!


So in lieu of of an E Card, I just wanted to take a brief moment to reflect on some of the choices that the UPN Network has made over the last decade. Let's review, shall we?

HOMEBOYS IN OUTER SPACE -Ty and Morris spend their days hopping from one galaxy to another in their Space Hoopty, an intergalactic vehicle. It's guided by a sassy onboard computer named Loquatia and maintained by their trusty yet clueless mechanic, SCOTTY from Star Trek. Along the way, Ty and Morris pick up odd jobs, encounter hot space babes and struggle for cold hard cash.

SHASTA MCNASTY - Yeah I really Don't have that much to say about this besides BABY BUSEY

THE SECRET DIARY OF DESMOND PHIEFFER - It's a Sitcom about Abraham Lincoln's #1 Slave and his Horny Wife. Only 4 episodes aired till every political group in the country called for it's removal.

AMERICA'S GREATEST PET'S - Don't Know Much about this Show, other than it featured something called "Teacup Chihuahua!"

DIRESTA - This Show Guaranteed One Thing: 100% Diresta All the Time or Your Money Back.

I DARE YOU Apparently America Took the Dare and Watched...We Lost!

LOVE BOAT: THE NEXT WAVE - Finally! This Hour Long Extravangza included the 2 most important Ingredients to make it the Most Popular Show of All Time 1.) Robert Ulrich (as the Captain) and 2.) ALF as a Special Guest Star. What Happened? God Only Knows?

MARKER stars Richard Grieco as Richard DeMorra, a carpenter from New Jersey who comes to Honolulu to attend his father's funeral, with no intention of staying more than a couple of days. Soon after the funeral, Richard discovers that Joe gave out hundreds of poker chip-sized markers each engraved with the image of a rose. People who received the markers -- typically for an unrewarded, good deed -- were instructed to redeem them with Joe for help, favors and friendship.

THE WATCHER was an anthology program in a similar vein as the old Alfred Hitchcock Presents and the Tales from the Crypt. The program's only recurring character is "the Watcher," played by rap star Sir Mix-A-Lot.

And Of Course....

THE XFL

UPN You've come a long baby!

Kinda Makes You ThankFul we Have Shows like "Two 1/2 Men"

Friday, July 8

NERD ALERT


Okay here's the thing, over the last year, I audibly guffawed whenever I saw a subway poster for Battlestar Galactica: The New Sci-Fi Channel Series . C'mon! Really? Battle Star Galactica? The Sci Fi Channel? Seriously I'd prefer watching a Dolph Lundgren Marathon in the original Swedish that subjecting myself to that show.

Even as a kid I knew Battlestar Galactica sucked! (Yes, technically I wasn't alive back then but from images I've seen, I've easily deduced that) You couldn't pay me to watch it this new Battlestar Galactica Show. But I was wrong, Battlestar Galactica is AMAZING! For me it's up there with Lost, 24, Alias and the OC (albeit it has a lot less pop culture references than OC but Edward James Olmos is the closest thing to an older and wiser Seth Cohen you'll ever find on TV).

Now I know what you are thinking, "Scheer, You're a Nerd!, I don't trust your opinions on Sci Fi, you probably like all that crap, like Babylon 5 and Farscape."

Touche! I agree that I have proven time and time again, on this site, I am a nerd, but I am odffended you link me with those shows, my Sci-Fi nerd cut-off comes with shows like Gene Rodenberry's Andromeda, Stargate SG-1 , and it's with remorse that I admit that I never got into Enterprise either. So you can trust me, this isn't just the rantings of someone who wants you to sign a bring back "Homeboys in Outer Space" petition. (If anyone gets that reference I applaud you)

I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that I watch this show, because just like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the title immediately discounts the content.

But trust me, I have already reccomended this show to a bunch of people and the reaction is the same, they like it...alot! Plus if you watch, then we can talk about it and maybe even wear matching costumes next Halloween. Sweet.

So here's the info,

SCI-FI Channel
Battle Star Galactica 1st Season Marathon
This Saturday 8-11PM
Set Your Tivo to Dork

By the way If you want to guarantee a good time while watching Battlestar Galactica create a drinking game for yourself where you have to take a shot of bourbon everytime anyone says the word "Cyclon".

Also you can dowload podcast commentaries from the website for many of the episodes-but I'll leave that alone for now.

Wednesday, July 6

The Mile High Snack Club

As a frequent Jet Blue flyer, I've gotten to be an Airplane Snack Snob.

For many years I believed that Jet Blue had the best In-Flight Airplane Snacks that Avaiation had to offer (with the exception of the cheese and cracker portion of the flight which in my opinion has too few crackers for the enormous amount of cheese that you are given, leaving you with only two choices, either abandon the cheese or scoop the remainder of the cheese out of the container and into your mouth, neither are appealing decisions to the snack concious airplane traveler, taking part in either action is like buying a Ferrari that doesn't have seats. However I digress...)

I was Fooled..Bamboozled...Led Astray!

Jet Blue Tricked me!

The best snack in the sky is NOT Blue Terra Chips, Animal Crackers or even Chocolate Biscotti it's....

Lance's Smoked Swiss Cheese on Wheat Snack Crackers....or as it's known in the hood as "SWISS on WHEAT!"

I know what you are thinking..."Paul, you're insane! Those are White Trash Snack Crackers." But I'll ask you this, "Does deliciousness know any bounds?" No, it doesn't.

As far as I can tell these bad Boys are only available on Delta Airlines and it's worth every penny, I suggest booking a flight on Delta just for the crackers. Maybe if the flight is half full and you are feeling lucky the stewardess might even give you 2 packs if you ask nicely.

I don't know if the delicious flavor comes from the slightly smoked swiss combined with the salty wheat cracker or the taste sensation is born out of the lack of oxygen and incredibly high altitude. Either way I'm not questioning my tastebuds.

Also please don't worry about the quality, gone are the days days of the Traditional Cheddar Cheese Snack Crackers, you remember those, the crackers were so bright orange they actually glowed in the dark. These crackers actually look healthy eventhough their shelf life is about the life span of your average dog. So enjoy and fly Delta!