Thursday, August 11

My Summer Book Report

Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince - A Book Review By Paul Scheer

Unfortunately I can't review Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince because it's too long! Have you seen this book it's like 800 pages...800 pages!? I can't read this.

"But Paul what do you think of it so far?"

Ask me at Thanksgiving, when I'm halfway through with it. This is like a half -year project for me. By starting this book I’m tying an albatross around my neck. But I can't stop reading it, because it I’ve already read the other ones and I want to know what happens and I don’t want spoilers. I’m screwed. Not for nothing, but Dr. Seuss is an icon and his books were less than 20 pages. They were manageable.

By the way hats off to Stephen King when he made that book "Green Mile" into 12 mini books; that was smart! Let's do more of that. Because now I just getting penalized by the book industry because I only read on the before I go to bed and when I’m on the subway. And now I have that subway guilt you know what I'm talking about, when you see the same people on the subway day after day and you have to cover up the title of the book and hide how far along you are in it because you don't want them to see that you are still reading the same book from last month. Then you see you're friends and their like "Oh you're still reading that? What they should just say what they mean which is "Hey stupid. If we were still in school you'd be in the remedial reading class." Truth be told I want to read that new 50 Cent Book from Pieces to Weight: Once Upon a Time in Southside Queens. At least in that book you get rewarded for reading, like when you get to the picture section. It's like the book is saying, “Yeah you done a good job so far, check out these pictures, give your reading a break.” But this book doesn't have any pictures (Just those little chapter ones). The most I can look forward to is when I get to the climatic scene from the cover so when you get to that scene, I can be like, “Wow that's what I just read!”

If you are going to make a long book, you better be forming a religion or writing some sort of directory like the yellow pages, because big books suck. Excuse me, I'm going to watch some TV, preferably Big Brother 6.


By the way, the excellent folks at posted two of my films...check them out HERE

Also this is good to know: In 28 days from today, cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sale calls.

To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone:888/382-1222. It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your time. It blocks your number for five (5) years.or sign on HERE


At 7:34 AM, Blogger Mattyc said...

Paul, how right you are. I can't tell you how much I look forward to the picture section of those autobiographical books. Often times I'll find myself getting bored and turning the the picture section way BEFORE I'm supposed to. [Mainly because their lives, as it turns out, just aren't that exciting.]

Then, sometimes they have MULTIPLE picture sections, and if so, I simply skip all those pesky little words and look at the pictures. I may not know all the biographical subject's dirty little secrets, but the pictures give me enough material to carry on a conversation just in case one comes up. If within that conversation the other person brings up something found in the non-picture sections, I'll say something like, "You know, it's been a while since I read the book...I don't remember that part at all!"

Anywho. That is all.

At 12:54 PM, Blogger somethingfresh said...

I'm waiting for the movie...

At 2:52 PM, Blogger Jimmy Jimson said...

Seen both of those movies a half dozen times now Paul. They still crack me up to no end. Rob as Samir... good gag.

You tell me which is the fairy tale. Sell drugs, get shot, yell hatefull stuff and become a millionaire. Or yet another english kid with a cheater wand. Everyone knows Majicks are real over there, but he has to use a wand! Some fairy tale.

909 DAWG!

At 3:02 PM, Blogger Kimmi said...

You're quite a catch, Paul! Are you married? Because most women say they want a nice guy, and they also want smarts and a sense of humor and a great smile (greedy things, those women), all of which you have! So are you taken yet or what? I think The Bachelor is doing casting calls...think about it. My friends and I are huge fans of yours and we just want you to be happy.

Lots of love to you and your poop shirts.

*I must add, I'm not a woman, I'm a girl, and a small one at that (5'1") so I can talk about how greedy and demanding women are. Maybe I shouldn't though. I'll probably be like them someday.

At 3:15 PM, Blogger Jimmy Jimson said...

If they don't want you to call why do they have a toll free number?

At 3:41 PM, Blogger Jared said...

ha, We're really into Harry Potter in my high school. It's more fun to speculate on the final, seventh book than it is to read the last six! So, in hopes of getting information I may have missed, I've been re-reading the entire series. I read the first two in a day, more of a half-day actually, I finished them before noon. Pretty impressive, I know.

Anyways, why don't they have troll free phone numbers?

I'm sorry about that last comment, I need to cut back on my Harry Potter reading.

At 1:37 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

As a fellow Harry Potter fan, whatever you do don't go to or you will find out the ending of The Half Blood Prince in about 10 seconds. They are very mean people over there.


At 10:16 PM, Anonymous Morgan said...

That's why when people come in to the coffeehouse I work at, and there's the sophisticated yet dangerous women reading the new Harry Potter Books. I simply say, "Hey, how you liking the new book?"
"Oh it's great, you know that one part....." they just go on and on and on.

All you have to do is say, "Mhmmm, Oh yeah!, that was sooo freaky!" and you're in.

This is completely fool-proof, if not. I'll give you a non-moldy sandwich


At 11:10 AM, Blogger somethingfresh said...

Most Definitely Unrelated...
this is what i do at work when i'm bored or when i feel the need to abuse something. don't worry it isn't dirty.

simply copy and paste & gear up for some good clean fun.

At 2:32 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Quick Replies to Everyone:

1.) Matt: I love Muliple Picture Sections, they are little private oasises (SP?) The worst part is when I find myself really reading the captions too intently, I do anything to stop from going back to serious reading again.

2.) Somethingfresh: Exactly.

3.) Jimmy: I agree 50 Cent is more Magic then Harry and I'll shoot any muggle that says differently. Thanks for your kind words about the films.

4.) Kimmi, I'm not Married and you make me blush. But in a masculine way

5.) Jared-Great Blog and I like a little Troll Humor. Frankly this Blog is severly lacking that so I appreciate it.

6.)Rachel: That Sucks...I'm so scared someone is going to wreck it for me.

7.) Morgan: Good Tip.

8.) SomethingFresh: I Love Smacking Penguins ...It's just like real life but cheaper.


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