Monday, September 5

The Night Was Made for Diddy

For One Night,

For 3 1/2 Hours.

Television Was Perfect.

I am of course talking about the 2005 MTV Video Music Awards.

As far as I’m concerned Americans can stop watching TV because nothing will ever come close to topping the insanity of that One Night from Miami.

Seriously the 2005 VMAs hosted by Diddy was Awesome*. I Loved It. However if you didn’t see the night’s festivities (Which is a feat within itself considering the fact that since it’s premiere last week it’s been on MTV about 47 times) you missed out. Because besides being a night full of entertainment it was also a real learning experience. Here are a few things that I learned (in no specific order).

• Sometimes the Best Opening Monologues are Purely Dance Based.

• Anything can Happen when it’s Diddy’s Show! Seriously Anything Can Happen! But if it does chances are it will be Bleeped, Blurred or Lame.

• Diddy’s Kids call him Diddy instead of Daddy. Cool!

• It’s not important to create a clear path to the stage for your award winners. Kudos to MTV for adding one last obstacle between the award winner and their award (Re: Kelly Clarkson’s Struggle to reach the stage after encountering a Kirsten Dunst Traffic Jam was forced to take a short cut through a waterfall).

• The best audience reaction shots are of people who are totally disinterested, unhappy, or really old and out of place. It makes the entire show seem less fake.

• Little John isn't above copping a feel

• Lip Synching is hard. Sometimes even the most professional singers can’t keep up with their own lyrics.

• Notorious B.I.G. sounds better when Diddy is conducting Orchestral Versions of his singles.

• Sometime the best introductions sound like jokes but aren’t. For instance when Diddy introduced Jessica and Ashlee Simpson as “The Hottest Simpson’s on South Beach” -That the best he could come up with? (Plus I would think Joe Simpson’s feelings were hurt because he was definitely in South Beach that weekend) Another good example of this type of exchange happened when Common asked Johnny Knoxville what he has and Knoxville responded by saying, “I’ve got a pocket full of amphetamines” Funny or the Truth? I don’t know!

• You can never have enough Dance Offs.

• Waters Falls and Fires aren’t just for Vegas Stage Shows.

• MC Hammer is Still Awesome! (Although we never Saw a Close-up of his Face)

• Eric Roberts will reimburse you if you don’t like his Songs Music (

• Jeremy Piven and Lil Kim are the new Odd Couple

• R. Kelly puts on the Best One Man Show since Hal Linden’s Mark Twain.

• When Diddy gives you a $10,000 watch be careful because security might take it back.

• Even when they are presented together in a Dance-Off I can’t tell the difference between “Clowning” and “Crumping.”

• Eva Longeria doesn’t let mind making Hurricane Jokes During the Hurricane.

These of course are just a few of the many more things one can learn from this show. What did you learn?

* Keep in Mind I might be biased because when I watched this, I hadn’t watched TV in 3 weeks.


At 11:26 PM, Blogger Bekah! said...

I learned that you can take the P out of the Diddy, but you can't take, nevermind.

I'm so happy you're back! \m/

At 10:51 PM, Anonymous Evil Dave said...

I confess, Paul, I haven't watched it yet. They aired 12 hours of Law and Order yesterday on TNT. Plus there have been a couple Celebrity Fit Club marathons lately. There just isn't enough time in the day to watch all the TV that I crave. I might have to start calling in sick to work.

At 2:56 PM, Blogger Jenn said...

I STILL haven't seen it. Damn hurricane took out my cable. It took me three weeks to get my power cut back on, so I guess I shouldn't bitch about the whole "no cable" thing.

At 12:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

puff daddy is a fucking fagget


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