Thursday, January 19

What Jack Bauer Won't Say...

I Love 24...Each Season Just Keeps Getting Better and Better. While Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) keeps becoming more and more of a Bad Ass, he's the Best Action Hero of All Time. People are starting to wonder if there is there anything he won't do or say. So since I consider myself a 24 Aficionado, I have come up with a List of things that Jack Bauer Would Never Say.....


"Everybody Calm Down...I Brought Enough Snackwells for Everybody"

" If You Put a Gun to My Head, I'd Have to say Cloris Leechman was my Favorite Actor in Spanglish"

"More Mayonnaise!"

"Who Read My Journal? Seriously, That's Private."

(Aftering Injurying Himself) "Samson's Cat...That Smarts!"

"I Can't Believe Edgar has More MySpace Buddies than Me."

"I'm so Bummed, I forgot to TIVO Skating with the Stars Last Night?"

"Anyone See My Troll Pen?"

"Happy Birthday, I Knitted This For You"

"Who's Djing at Liquid Tonight?"

"My First Puppy was named Snuggles and My 2nd puppy is Name Sparkles"

"I want to be in Charge of Secret Santa This Year"

"Guys I just took this Internet Quiz that says the OC Character I'm Most similiar too is Caleb, Ugh"

"These Ugg Boots aren't as comfortable as My Last Pair"

"I Put some of My Famous Risotto in Fridge, Help Yourself"

and Finally

"Mr. President, Can We Just Hug?"

34 Comments:

At 4:09 PM, Blogger NateDrew said...

Hi paul, how come no one post comments. I think you are funny dude, its apparent that you watch entirely way too much TV tho. you always make me laugh on best week ever.

 
At 5:05 PM, Anonymous cath said...

hilarious! ooh, that reminds me...did *I* record "Skating with Celebrities"?

 
At 6:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny stuff. 24 and Best Week ever are defenatly my favorite shows on tv.

 
At 6:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha thier ace, jack rules.

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger Mel said...

HA!!!!!!!!! You forgot "hey guys let's exchange receipes"

 
At 7:55 PM, Blogger HadesGigas said...

Paul, you are funny. Did you know that Penn Jillette watches all four seasons of the 24 DVD in succession!? He is crazy. Speaking of crazy, I have a gallon of my own feces in the fridge. Time for a nosh.

 
At 8:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate Proper Use Of capitalizatiOn too.

 
At 10:11 PM, Blogger MsSeptembr1984 said...

You are my hero. Seriously. I think your blog is quite possibly the funniest thing ever. Good to see theres still people out there with a sense of humor and a little enthusiasm as well..

 
At 12:24 AM, Anonymous Furious said...

I have to say the Snackwells line was the best so it was all downhill from there but damn that was a high peak.

 
At 4:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahahaa
The Secret santa one was my favorite

 
At 4:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you may also add, "Chloe, how can I change the stylesheet for my blog?"

 
At 8:43 AM, Anonymous Bob F. said...

Hey Paul!

You forgot, "Damn, I left the detonator in my Miata".

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger revenant5 said...

How about-

"No dessert for me, thanks, it'll go straight to my hips."

or

"I think someone forgot that I like skim milk in my iced mocha latte."

 
At 9:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my gun!! its unloaded?!

 
At 11:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Paul, that's hilarious.. I would totally stick it in your ass.

 
At 12:36 PM, Anonymous Floria said...

"I Can't Believe Edgar has More MySpace Buddies than Me."

Priceless.

The list is so funny.

 
At 1:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Guys, I'm really tired right now. I'm going to go lie down for a bit."

 
At 6:58 PM, Blogger Pope-rah said...

righteously funny, man!

 
At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously! I want answers, who took the last blue-berry muffin! Ive been looking forward all day to it...

 
At 10:53 PM, Blogger Me said...

Good stuff.

From the non-truths, to the truths.
http://www.jackbauerfacts.com

 
At 10:42 AM, Blogger Cubicle said...

seaons 5 body count

http://sandcastlesandcubicles.blogspot.com/2006/01/24-season-5-body-count.html

 
At 10:54 PM, Anonymous mags said...

how about "i have to pee"

 
At 3:44 AM, Blogger mandy said...

hahaha

great stuff!!

 
At 2:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, how about "Tony, do I look fat in these pants?"

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger Me said...

> Hey, how about "Tony, do I look fat in these pants?"

HAHA!

 
At 7:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you mother fucking fags

 
At 1:04 PM, Anonymous jayme said...

These are freakin hilarious.
absolutely adore the oc and myspaceones.
and the ugg boots.
freakin hilarious.
oh yeh, and the knitting.
you're goodddd.

 
At 5:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

24 rocks, bauer is my hero too! these are great!

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger Mr. Prinzi said...

Ok, so THAT was the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time. my husband and i are obsessed with 24...i about wet myself reading this, nice work!

 
At 9:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

> ...please...
> ...thanks...
> ...you look just great/fabulous/fantastic!...
> ...I honestly...
> ...I would love to...
> ...I'm really sorry...

=o)'

 
At 9:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

> ...let's be friends...
> ...I give up...
> ...be home before six...
> ...go hug your mom...
> ...I left a note on the fridge...

 
At 9:57 PM, Anonymous KerryE said...

Thanks, this was funny.

How about,"Oh, no! I have a paper cut!!"?

Or,"Do you like my lace doilies?"?

 
At 7:08 AM, Anonymous Brady said...

How bout "I'm gellin' like magellen"

 

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