Friday, February 3

Harrison Ford Will Put You in Danger!

I Just Saw the Trailer for Harrison Ford's New Movie "Firewall" and I Learned One Thing, Don't Marry Harrison Ford! Sure, he's attractive, tough, and sensitive...he looks like the perfect husband and Dad but don't be fooled, by marrying him you are puttting yourself and your family in Horrible, Horrible, Danger. I guarantee you that everything will start off great, you'll think you have the perfect life and then one day you'll either be kidnapped, killed, held for ransom, haunted by a ghost or taken to South America. Don't Believe Me, let the facts speak for themselves!

Did You Know that in the Last 20 Years Harrison's Ford has made 18 Films and in 10 of those His Wife and/or Family Have been Put into Horrible Danger.

Let's Recap....

1986: The Mosquito Coast Harrison Ford Goes Nuts and Brings his Family Down to South America to Build an Ice Factory. What starts off as a bad idea gets worse when he hits his children, screams at his wife and eventually tears his family apart and turns their life into a Living Hell. (Danger Level: Intermediate)

1998: Frantic: While in the Shower His Wife is Kidnapped by French Punks. What the F! Harrison Turn Down Your Shower Tunes (Danger Level: Very High)

1992: Patriot Games: Sure Harrison looks So "Cool" When He Thwarts an assination attempt on a member of the Royal Family. But Guess What Hotshot? If you Kill a Member of the IRA...They Target Your Family for Assination. I Guess you aren't so "cool" Now! They Put his Daughter in theHospital.(Danger Level: High)

1993: The Fugitive: Why is he a Fugitive, because Someone Killed His Wife. Why? Because they wanted to send a Message to her Harrison. I guess she got the bum part of that deal. (Danger Level: His Wife is Killed! C'mon!)

1997: The Devils Own: "Honey, I Brought Home a Friend to Stay with Us...Oh Yeah He's an violent and Deadly killer for the IRA." Didn't He learn from Patriot Games That Doesn't End Well. (Danger Level: Low)

1997: Air Force One: His Family is Kidnapped Again! This would haven't have happened if they took JetBlue. (Danger Level: High)

1999: Random Hearts: Wife is Killed in a Plane Crash...What is it about his Guy. (Danger Level: Unexpected)

2000: What Lies Beneath: His Wife is Haunted by the Ghost of His Ex-Mistress. Upon Figuriung that Out Harrison Tries to Kill His Wife, Shining Style! (Danger Level: What the Shit, That's Crazy!)

"Oh, He's So Cute...Till Your Dead"

2002: K-19: The Widowmaker: It's In the Title. (Danger Level: Mild)

2006: Firewall: Need I Say More Just Look at the Family Cowering on the Poster

Now While Technically Not Putting his Wife and Children into Horrible Danger Harrison has had some other Film Roles where he Proves time and time again that he can still make life Tough for his Loved Ones. I Now Present...

The Honorable Mentions

1998: Working Girl - Cheats on his Hot Sexy Girlfriend with a Girl from Staten Island. I Guess He's Not Such a Great BoyFriend Afterall.

1989: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Through A Series of Events. Indy and his Dad find themselves tied up in a room that is on fire ready to served up to the Nazis.

"Happy Father's Day"

1990: Presumed Innocent: Harrison's Mistress is Killed by His Wife, OJ Style. Not Cool Dude. What Happened to Having a Murder Free Affair?

1991: Regarding Henry: Harrison Gets Shot in the Head and His Wife's Needs Can't Be Fullfilled...You Know, Sexually.

1998: Six Days and Seven Nights: Whoopsie! A Drunk Harrison Crashes A Private Charter Plane into a Desserted Island. Smooth Move Elax!

So Ladies of the World...Beware of Harrison Ford and a Wedding Ring, Because once it's slipped on You'll Be Hurt, Kidnapped, or Killed! I Think this is why we haven't seen Calista Flockhart in Years!

Enjoy Firewall.

(Disclaimer...So apparently a Very Similiar Blog was Posted on the Best Week Ever Blog a Few Weeks Ago. Obviously I not plagiarisizing, because that would be just ridiculous, it doesn't benefit me at all. I also talked to Alex the original poster and he was really cool about it. Suffice it to say the Similarities are Scary. Even in the Formatting. But it's a total coincidence. My Blog was spurned on by a conversation I had while driving past the Firewall Premiere a few nights ago and I wrote it up when I got home. I even sent this blog to the Best Week Ever Blog on Friday so they could link to it, so I'm not trying to pull one over on anyone..So to all the negative posters give me the benefit of the doubt that in the 2 years that I've been doing this that I'm not about to start stealing ideas now. Also Keep in mind that we work for the same show, so we have a tendency to think alike.In The spirit of good posts here is a link to Alex's BWE Post Enjoy!)

14 Comments:

At 7:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that was Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. From the ads "Firewall" looks pretty much like the first half of 24 season 1.

 
At 8:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chewy was his family in starwars. He also had the hots for Laya and look how that turned out...you want to meet a huge slug...go w/ Ford

 
At 9:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Raiders of the lost Ark. . .
Ex-girlfriend's bar burns down. Later, she's captured by Nazis, entombed alive, etc.

 
At 9:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

But still, I'd be worth. He is one cool dude.

 
At 10:29 PM, Anonymous Harrison Ford said...

I'd hit it.

 
At 2:10 AM, Blogger BlogDog said...

I won't visit Las Vegas or invite Jessica Fletcher to visit me. People keep dying.

 
At 4:06 AM, Blogger somethingfresh said...

But he still does his own stunts and that's hot in my book.

 
At 7:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

patriot games? they don't get kidnapped, they get targeted for assassination.. They get shot at on the way home from school, and both his wife and daughter end up in the hospital.

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Good Call, I'll Amend That.

 
At 2:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Btw, it's "Smooth move EXLAX"! :P

 
At 2:33 PM, Blogger Paul said...

That's The 3rd Comment I Got on How to Spell Elax, That was the way I Originally Spelt it.

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger Undertoad said...

Witness: it's not his family, but he puts an Amish girlfriend and her son in danger of assassination by giving away their location... because he can't stop himself from punching out a tourist.

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger Alex Blagg said...

I wrote the other version over at the BWE site, and I am completely confident that - as Paul said - it was a simple case of not-so-great minds thinking alike. So cool out.

Also, I think Paul's take on it was probably funnier.

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Alex,
Thanks for Being So Cool about this. I just sent you an email.
Paul

 

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