Friday, February 24

Henchman Looking For Evil Genius

Hello, My Name is Nick Nack, I’m a Single White Male looking for a Villian. At 3'11 I might be short of stature but I’m long on dedication. I’d love to be your right-hand man, I’m loyal, funny, and I might try to assassinate you, but I only do that so that you keep up on your self-defense skills.
I'll do anything for you. Think of me as your personal assistant, chef, servant, and assassin. My perfect day is pouring perfectly-chilled champagne for you in the morning, narrating a death match in a special designed house of mirrors in the afternoon and launching a full-scale attack on 007 from your island compound in the evening.
I’ll be honest I haven’t done this is a long time, mainly because for the last 15 years I’ve been employed by Mr. Scaramanga (The Man with the Golden Gun...and Three Nipples) but James Bond killed him and blew up our Island. Also for the last few months, I was captured in a large suitcase by Bond and hung above a ship’s mast in the South Pacific until I was discovered by a curious sailor. Thank you Zyang, I owe you.

So I’m starting over. No Fatties need apply.

References: Scaramanga - Deceased
(This was inspired by the The Man with Golden Gun in the James Bond Marathon, Where Herve Plays the Funniest Henchman Ever, it's so Bizarre)


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