Thursday, March 30

My Lost Recap 3/29 - WTF?

Wow! Last Night Was Full of WTF Moments, Things Happened, I'm Not Exactly Sure What But They Were Exciting None The Less...Thanks Goodness For Screencaps and People Smarter Than Me on the Web!

First Let's Get The Most Boring Detail out of the way, the house that Locke Inspected was Nadia's (Sayid's Love) ...Locke and Sayid- Connected

Now The Big Thing, That Flourscent Map of The Island...Here's TheBest Map I've Seen (After Reading it, I'm Really Confused)

Want it Bigger? Click Me

In reading, it is obvious theauthor was not a member of Dharma but someone very familiar with the operation and the incident. Some notes indicate that the person who drew the map was under the 108 minute time constraint and isolated ("estimated travel time incompatible with 108 do not attempt to ______"). Could it have been Kelvin? Desmond? And if Kelvin was not a member or the D.I, who was he?

"Cerberus" activity is mentioned several times on the hatch map.
"They're all dead" theorists will be delighted to know that Cerberus
guarded the entrance to hell, keeping the living out and the dead in.
Hmmm.

Some Translations....
Aegrescit medendo - The disease worsens with the treatment. The remedy is worse than the disease
Sursum corda - Lift up your hearts (to God)
Credo nos in fluctu eodem esse - I think we're on the same wavelength
Malum consilium quod mutari non potest - It's a bad plan that can't be changed.
Cogito ergo doleo - I think therefore I am depressed
Ut sit magna, tamen certe lenta ira deorum est - The wrath of the gods may be great, but it certainly is slow
Hic sunt dracones - Here be dragons
Nil actum credens dum quid superesset agendum - Don't consider that anything has been done if anything is left to be done
Liberate te ex inferis - Save yourself from hell
Mus uni non fidit antro - A mouse does not rely on just one hole

Great Promo For Next Week's Episode... Watch It Now!

Tuesday, March 28

My Day with Morningwood- This is the Last Post SXSW (I Promise)


I Spent the Day With Morningwood, This is My Story!

Do You Like Podcasts...




Paul Scheer, Comedic Mastermind


You've seen his face on VH1's The Best Week Ever, and in The Upright Citizen's Brigade Improv Theatre. But this week, "the hardest working man in basic cable" joins me on the show for mano e mano time. Paul gives us his take on everything happening in the world of pop culture, the world wide web and the GOOCH.


Ira Elliott of Nada Surf


Nada Surf is now setting a new standard in pop music. Their hooks are incredible and the beats impressive. Nada Surf drummer and famed storyteller, Ira Elliott, talks about life on the road, traveling to Cannes and working with Chris Walla.(Death Cab for Cutie)

Monday, March 27

Before You Watch Lost This Week Check This Out....

Okay, This Week's Episode of Lost Looks To Be Not Only "Shocking" But Also "Revealing"...I Know This Because The Promo at the End of Last Week's Episode Told Me So.

Thanks to Some Awesome Websites, namely...www.thetailsection.com, I Have Found Some Amazing New Pictures and Links. I've Boiled Down Them Down to Best of The Bunch And Put them Here For Easy Viewing.

First Of All Check Out a New Dharma Film That Has Been Floating around on the Internet, it's Kinda Slow but it gets good at the End.

Now it's Time Once Again For Some WTF? Pictures.

Is Henry Gale an Other? From Last week's Promo it looks like they find his balloon but is it just an elaborate trap, like Henry suggested? Close examination of Bone Structure Might be our only clue in figuring this one out, take a look and wonder till Wednesday.

I call this one, "Dude on the Plane with Castaways...Dude on the Boat with the Others". Yeah it's The same Dude. If this is true then Dharma is definitely behind the crash and perhaps one might wonder did the plane ever crash at all, this could be an elaborate experiment. But Still so many questions.
While I love posting pictures of the now deceased Shannon, this isn't about her, check out the foreground. Mr. Friendly was on the plane too...Holy Shit! This is getting Really Good! This also blows away all the skeptics who believe that the writer's don't have an over arching story and that they are writing the mythology as they go.


More Soon.......

Friday, March 24

A SXSW GAME: BAND or LIFETIME MOVIE

Play Along at Home!


Thursday, March 23

I'm Not Afraid to Ask Tough Questions! (Courtesy of the BWE Blog)

Are You Ready For Some More SXSW Music Festival Coverage?

Watch as I get to bottom of some very important issues with Best New Indie Rock Bands We Are Scientists, The Go! Team and Tapes 'N Tapes!


Wednesday, March 22

The Trapped in the Closet Roundtable Discussion -Returns to LA


What's A Sniggle?
What Does Rosie The Nosy Neighbor Really Know?
Who ate the Cherry Pie?
Who's Bridget's Baby Daddy?

If These Questions about R. Kelly's Hip-Hopera, "Trapped in the Closet" Keep You Up at Night, Then You Must Attend...If You Have No Idea What I'm Talking About then Attendance is Mandatory!
TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET: A ROUNDTABLE DISCUSSION
(Chapters 6-12)

ONE NIGHT ONLY!


MARCH 25th at 10PM

The UCB Theater Los Angeles
5919 Franklin Ave
323-908-8702

Buy Tickets Now!
Limited Number of Seats Have Just Gone on Sale

Previous Guests Have Included:
Paul F. Tompkins (Best Week Ever), David Cross (Mr. Show/Arrested Development), Rob Riggle (SNL), Matt Besser (UCB),Matt Walsh (UCB), Nicole Parker (MADTV), Stephanie Weir (MADTV), Rob Huebel (Inconsiderate Cellphone Man), Arden Myren (MADTV), Rachel Harris (Best in Show), Brandon Johnson (PUNK'D), Nick Kroll (Author, Bar Mitzvah Disco), Andy Milonkais (MTV), Andy Blitz (Late Night with Conan O'Brien), Eugene Mirman, and Andy Kindler and More......

Tuesday, March 21

SXSW VIDEO BLOG - THE GIFT BAG (Courtesy of BWE Blog)

Monday, March 20

SXSW Blog Video Edition

Here Are 3 Clips From Some of the Crazier Shows I Saw on Saturday...

First Up Peelander Z, You've Seen The Pictures on My Blog, Now Experience 10 Seconds of Their Music..This Band Was So Hard Core That the Venue Tried to Kick Them Out and Not Let Them Perform But they Played Anyway. No One Could Get Them Off Stage.



Besides Having the Audience Play Their Instruments They Also Do Human Bowling, Don't Believe Me, Watch!


Beatle Bob, is a fixture at Music Festivals, He Has a Beatle Haircut and he Loves to Rock Out. This is the 3rd Time I've Seen Him and He's Always Dancing on the Side of the Stage Dressed Very Nicely. But This is the 1st Time I've seen him invited up on Stage to Do he Stuff and it was amazing! (FYI The Sound on This is Terrible)


Stay Tuned For Some More BEST WEEK EVER Web Pieces From SXSW. I'll Be Milking My Trip for All it's Worth.

*Also on a Side Note Doe Anyone Know how to Calibrate a Digital Camera So you can take Pictures of Moving Things in the Dark, it looks so good on my video screen then when I snap the Picture it looks Awful (with the Flash it's Too Bright, Without the Flash it's Too Dark)

Sunday, March 19

SXSW Photo Journal Day 4 (Saturday- March 18th, 2006)

My Last Day of SXSW Could Quite Possibly Be The Best...

I Know SXSW is all about Music, But Let's Take A Moment to Get Excited about Film, More Specifically "Snakes on a Plane." Don't Let this Be next year's Brokeback Mountain. Academy Voters This Movie Can't Be Denied.

Here We Are with Morningwood. They did so well at the Festival, The Mayor of Music Gave Them their Own River Boat. Not Since The Doobie Brothers played Woodstock has that Happened.

By the Way, If you haven't seen Morningwood Yet, Go! But Beware They Will Blow Your Ass Out (In a "Hard Rocking Way" not in a "maybe this was a sexual innuendo that I don't get way")

If you think you have Seen it All...Think Again. PEELANDER Z is Unreal. They Have Costumes, Sirens, Bowling, Nymphs That Climb From the Ceiling, and They Let The Audience Play Their Instruments and That was only in the 15 minute Show.

The Insanity Begins.

A Nymph!

Chances are if I'm wearing a Sailor's Hat and I'm Proud of it, I'm Drunk and I Was!

Tomorrow, I'll Have 2 Video Posts From SXSW
____________________________________________________________________

Here I Am With A Reader of My Blog...I Promised I Put it Up and Now I Did. See That I'm Not Such a Liar After All.

Saturday, March 18

SXSW Photo Journal Day 3 (Friday- March 17th, 2006)

The Early Part of Friday was Spent at the Spin Magazine Party at Stubbs. We Are Scientists, The Cribs, The Stills, The Charlatans and Go Team! all performed to an audience that was stuffed with BBQ Brisket and Miller Lite...I was excited to host the event until I realized I wasn't so much of a host as I was a corporate shill. Throughout the concert I was forced to mention the New Toyota Hybrid Yaris, Verizon Wireless, Miller Lite and Jose Cuevro about 150 times. As a Matter of Fact They Are Forcing Me To Do it Right Now. Why won't this cycle end?

Here I Am with Go Team! We Talked About The Important Stuff like The Snorks Vs. The Smurfs and whether they were for or against Daylight Savings Time. Meanwhile The Artic Monkeys were Totally Getting High in the Green Room. Rock N' Roll!

If You Think This is Good, You should see the Poster for Bikers for Recylcing!
What Has a Maraca, A Cowbell, and A Swedish Voice? If you answered, "Awesomness" then you are right, but I'd also accept, my new Favorite International Band, "Love is All." I Love Them! It's Like Bjork and Jenny Lewis from Rilo Kiley had a Baby and That Baby Rocks the Electric Keyboard.

The Cartoon Network Throws the Best Parties...Danger Doom, Vitamin Water and Free Meatwad Hats. Plus Tom From MySpace was There. Suck it Blender Party!

The Award for the Worst Movie Videogame Ever...Francis Ford Coppola's, Bram Stroker's Dracula- The Pinball Game! Every time Gary Oldman overacts you get a free ball.

My night ended with Snow Patrol. I only saw their last 5 songs, so it was all the "Good Stuff". So I was Psyched. It was like geetting the candy from the pinata without picking up the bat. The duet they performed with Maryanne Wainwright was actually quite beautiful...Maybe I cried, What's it to you? I'm a Real Man.



* Best Excuse for not wanting to be interviewed for Best Week Ever, Eugene Hutz from Gogol Bordello. He Refused to be interviewed on the grounds that he doesn't want to risk the wrath of PETA because one time he agreed to an interview and it was on a show about the circus and they yelled at him...I don't know if it's true but it's really elaborate, I give him props for that.


Here's A Link to More Pictures With Me and Morningwood (and Tapes N Tapes)


Friday, March 17

SXSW Photo Journal Day 2 (Thursday- March 16th, 2006)

Day 2 started at 8 in the Morning, with only 3 1/2 Hours of Sleep even this Tree was mocking me...Screw You Tree.

We Spent Most of the Day with Morningwood. Who consistently put on one of the best live shows I've seen, no matter what the audience or the venue. Also today was the day, I discovered that attending concerts with earplugs makes you lame. It's like trying to rock out by putting your ear up to someone's elses room that is rocking out and you really can't tell what's going on. Hearing is for the birds, I'd rather rock out with my cock out then be able to hear things happening 50 feet away.

Morningwood totally showed me what it was like to be a Rockstar. They let me get on Stage with them but I had to wear this outfit, do callenstics and give Chantal a piggy back ride throughout the audience....Deal!

Fredo Rocking the the Drums.

This Sign Mocked our Drive back to our Hotel which is conviently an hour outside of Austin but with Traffic it's more like 2 and 1/2...But that gave us plenty of time to go through all our Shwag...Which includes but aren't limited too SXSW Condoms, Houston Weekly Lip Balm, and baby bottles of Tequilla. SXSW is all about one night stands!

Unfortunately, my day took a shocking turn as I past out in my bed for 10 hours straight missing the Beastie Boys, The Flaming Lips and Morrisey...I Suck...But I did have a Dream where a British guy in a Giant Jalepeno Costume was chasing me and rapping, so it all evened out in the end.

Thursday, March 16

My 2006 SXSW Photo Blog - Day 1 (3/15/06)

I'm here in SXSW with Best Week Ever Shooting Some Segments for the Show and For The BWE Blog and So Far it's Been Awesome. In the Past 48 Hours I've Slept for 4 Hours, I've Had too Much Tequilla and I've seen More Live Shows Then I've Seen in the Last Year.

But Instead of Me Yapping About It...Here Some Pictures From Day 1:

This is Called a Turbo...It's Made of Sausage, Brisket, Fritos, Beans, BBQ Beef and Covered in Special Sauce...I Ate This...I'm Ashamed! I can't imagine how many Cows Died for My Indigestion.

In The Same Restaurant that Serves the Turbo, There is also a Bullet Lodged in Wall From When a Jealous Wife Went to this Establishment to Kill Her Husband, She Got one Bullet in His Leg and the Other in this Lovely Paneling.

Here's Tapes n' Tapes They Are Totally the New Artic Monkeys...These Guys are Awesome and They Are Great Live! They are going to be big, make them your Myspace Friends now before they Blow up bigger than Dane Cook!

Finally There isn't Much to Say about this Next Pictue but just to reiterate their Slogan, "Austin's Only Adult Seafood Bar!" Finally I can eat my Shellfish peace. No longer will I be judged by the watchful eye of a nosy second grader.

Time For Sleep!

Tuesday, March 14

Overhead at the LA Kings Game

Last Week I Went to a LA Kings Game, This was the Conversation that Went on Behind Me

Int. Staples Center-Saturday Afternoon

Deep in the 3rd Period, with Less Than 5 Minutes Left to Go, in a Really Close Game a Loud Guy Sitting Alone Behind Me Answers His Cellphone.

Loud Over Annunciating Dude
Cheryl, baby, don't worry your precious face about about it. I'll bring the wine tonight....I'll just pull something from my cellar, yeah I just had it redone, it's lovely, lovely, temperature controlled. We're Having Duck Tonight Right? Perfect. I Got a Great Cab (Note: Short for Cabernet), it's Really Delightful it has a great Fruity Afterburn...

A Referee Makes a Bad Call.

Loud Dude
(Screaming at Ref) You Cocksucker! (Back to Phone) No, No, Not You. Look If You Want a Pinot, I'll Bring it. But I'll tell you this Cab goes Better with Duck and you don't want to miss this cab baby (Shouting at Ref) You Fucking Idiot. (Re: Phone) Ha, No Not You. Okay, let me go. I want to beat the Traffic.

He Gets up and Leaves, With 3 Minutes left in the Game. But Not Before Yelling, "KINGS!"

Sometimes I Forget I Live in LA, but it's Conversations like These That Help Remind Me.

By The Way, I'm Going to Be in Austin, TX all this week for SXSW. Fellow Human Giant, Aziz Ansari and will be hosting the Stereogum Show on Thursday with Ted Leo and the Pharmacists(Unfortunately it's all Sold Out)and I'll also be shooting bits for Best Week Ever around Town with Morningwood.

If there are Any Places I Have to Definitely Check out in Austin Leave it in the Comment Section.

Saturday, March 11

Paul's Blog The Best Week Ever Edition

Here's a New Segment of the Show with Doug Benson and I called "Theater Hoppers", unfortunately it was cut from the show this week due to time, "Damn You Falling Cheerleader! But You Can Enjoy It Here without those Pesky Commercials!



The Next Clip is an Alternate Version of "The 4 Stage of the Artic Monkeys", The Real Big Difference Between This Cut and the One that Aired on the Show is that my comments about Myspace were removed...call Oliver Stone, I smell conspiracy!



Finally the Winners of the BWE Photoshop Contest were announced, there were So Many Awesome Entries, They Couldn't Pick Just One. Here are The Winners and for Those of You Who Didn't Get Their Images Posted, don't Fret because I' Think I'm going to Make a Gallery of all of them. later in the Month.



Friday, March 10

BlackBalled: The Bobby Dukes Story is Finally Released in Theaters!


The day of reckoning is upon us…

The apocalypse is at hand…

Bobby Dukes is HERE!!!

Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story is coming to a theater near you. Be the first kid on your block to see the comedy that Ain’t it Cool News described as “Hilarious” and “Destined for cult status.”

Starring The Daily Show’s Rob Corddry as Bobby Dukes, Blackballed is a fictional account of paintball’s first superstar as he attempts to come back to the sport he wholly disrespected. The cast is rounded out by some familiar faces, including: Paul Scheer (Best Week Ever), Rob Riggle (Saturday Night Live), Ed Helms (The Daily Show), Rob Huebel (Curb Your Enthusiasm) and many others for a complete list click IMDB

“For the price of one hour’s catering on your average Hollywood comedy, Blackballed delivers three times the laughs.”
- Scott Weinberg, efilmcritic.com.

New York screenings begin Thursday, April 13th at the Pioneer Theater.
YOU MUST BUY ADVANCED TICKETS NOW TO RESERVE YOUR SEAT!

SCREENINGS ARE ALREADY SOLD OUT!

To buy Tickets

Blackballed will be rolling out to other cities in following weeks, including:

Tucson, AZ – The Loft Theater, Opening April 21st

Boston, MA – Brattle Theater Opening April 28th

And many others…

Check out Our Website for more information and to find out upcoming cities and dates.

Wednesday, March 8

BEWARE OF THE GRAPPLE

Have you ever seen something crazy and totally unneccessary at the Supermarket, like Cheese and Bacon Stuffed Hotdogs and thought to yourself, "Ugh, who buys this Crap?"

Well the Answer is...Me, "I buy that Crap!"

Last Night at Ralph's, I saw "Grapple"...It's a tie-in with the movie Chicken Little and it's a Grape Flavored Apple....So of course I bought it no questions asked.


Now I thought this was going to be Delicious!

I imagined that a brilliant scientist figured out a way to inject the flavor of a grape into an apple, like the way you do with Vodka and Oranges. But I was horribly, horribly mistaken!

This thing was Gross, It tasted just like...an Apple. Yuck! If I wanted to be healthy I would get Quaker Instant Oatmeal with Gummi Dinosaurs.

I wanted a Taste Sensation of 2 Fruits in one. But instead I got an Apple sprayed down with about a Quart of Grape Juice Concentrate. The Entire Apple was a sticky mess it was like touching the used legos of my slobbering nephew.

I guess the idea is, that the skin tastes like an Apple and the inside is an Apple...LAME!

So Beware of the "Grapple", also as a general rule beware of any produce that has been flavor enchanced, I think that's a good rule, I learned the hard way.

Even though the Grapple was bad, that won't stop me from buying other Zach Braff (the voice of Chicken Little) related food stuffs, like Garden State Pudding Pops..."I got a Chocolate Peter Sarsgaard but I really wanted a Vanilla Ian Holm."

By the way, I didn't see Chicken Little, are there Grape Flavored Apples in it? It would be even better if there wasn't. COMMERCE!

Tuesday, March 7

LOST DOES IT AGAIN

WHAT DID YOU MISS?....HERE's MY ENTIRE POST SUMMED UP IN A PICTURE!


Monday, March 6

Tonight in LA

Monday, March 6th, 11:00pm @ UCB Theatre, LA

Every Monday in March, Aziz, Paul, and Rob present a collection of sketches, short films, and presentations that have all been pre-approved by the other "human giant" - Michael Clark Duncan. They will also welcome one of Mr. Duncan's favorite standup comedians to join them each evening.

With special guests Paul F. Tompkins and Todd Barry! And the west coast premiere of Illusionators!

Click here to reserve tickets!

Sunday, March 5

MY 2006 ACADEMY AWARD PICKS

It's Oscar Night...So That Means Everyone from Roger Ebert to a Random Crackwhore who lives under the 101 Freeway is talking about their "Oscar Picks." So why should I be any different? (especially because I love movies & crack)

BEST PICTURE: "Brokeback Mountain" - Sure everyone talks about about the amazing romance between the two main characters but the thing that really won me over in this picture was the moustaches. I haven't seen such expert use of moustaches since Magnum P.I.

BEST ACTOR: Terrence Howard, "Hustle and Flow" - Winning an Oscar is all about catering to the Academy's sensibilities by portraying something they understand. Terence Howard's portrayal of a a southern, rap loving, woman beating, pimp in the throes of a mid life crisis is totally up the Academy's alley. Didn't Lawrence Olivier win for the same thing in '41?


BEST ACTRESS: Felicity Huffman, "Transamerica" - Talk about having balls...Felicity Huffman is so convincing as a man in Transamerica I think she should have been nominated in the Best Actor Category. (Yowza, That's an Old Timey Joke!)

SUPPORTING ACTOR:Matt Dillon, "Crash" -Matt Dillon is excellent in Crash but personally I think the Academy totally overlooked by his superb performance in Herbie: Fully Loaded. I mean c'mon, you try acting with a car!



SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Michelle Williams, "Brokeback Mountain" -Michelle Williams is a true method actress not only did she marry and have a baby with Heath Ledger in the film but she also did it in real life, talk about commitment to a role. "Suck it Rachel Weisz", I don't want to hear from you until you marry Ralph Feinnes and then mysteriously die, just like you did in Constant Gardner, now that's acting!

DIRECTOR: Ang Lee, "Brokeback Mountain" - Not impressed by Ang Lee? Just wait until he finally admits at the Academy Awards that Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall were both totally CGI like the HULK. He's a genius.

And of Course The Shoe-in For the night for Sound Editting: Terry Porter, Dean A. Zupancic and Tony Johnson "THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE" - After seeing that film I left thinking one thing...The Sound Editting was FUCKING GREAT!

Wednesday, March 1

The Entries are Amazing!

The Entries to the Best Week Ever Blog Photoshop Contest Are Amazing! These Are Some of My Favorities So Far....There is Still Time to Submit. Email your submissions to: BWEphotoshopContest@gmail.com (See My Last Post for all Details and PICTURES)

If you need inspiration, may I suggest some photoshopping of the Latest Cover of Vanity Fair or a Point Break Poster Redux.