Monday, June 26

Top 5 Things My Mom Said While on Vacation to Visit Me in L.A.

Last Week My Mom and Stepdad Came to L.A. to Visit.
We Spent a lot of Time in the Car Together.
Here are the Top 5 Things My Mom Said While We Drove around Town!

1.) "Paul, let me ask you something when they make those films (re: porn) are they really erect or is that simulated?"

2.) "You know who I like? The Black Eyed Peas. But ONLY that one song!"

3.) "Is this the gay part of town? The guidebooks says, we'll know when we are in the gay part, but I can't tell"

4.) "I still don't think O.J. did it"

5.) "How Much Cocaine would I have to do to lose 10 pounds?"

Thursday, June 22

Bonnaroo in Pictures

Bonnaroo was Awesome this Year. This Music Festival is one of the Best Events of the Summer. With about 80,000 Sweaty People, Over 50 Bands, and Acres upon Acres of Sketchy Campgrounds, It's the best way to spend Father's Day and you'll Never Know What You Might See.

Everyone Played Beck, Radiohead, and even the Black Smoke From LOST. I Saw My Future and My Past. Now I'm Going to Build a Church. This Festival is Amazing.

C'mon Dude, Don't Bring your Tesla Coil to an Outdoor Music Festival. Let People Like You for You and not your Disruptive Discharge Coil.

Everyone is excited for Bryan Singer's take on Superman, personally I'm intrigued by this guy's take on Wonderwoman, he really puts the MAN back in WoMAN. (By the way, Who would have Guessed Wonder Woman shaves her Privates like a Hitler Moustache.)

Alice is Such a Ho Bag since she left Wonderland. She didn't even Know that Guy!

Bonnaroo also taught me that Anytime is the Right Time to Play Twister.

Till Next Year!

Tuesday, June 13

Rejected Jokes

My Friend Ben Schwartz, is a freelance writer for Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update and the Late Show with David Letterman. After almost two years of freelancing, a large number of his jokes made air. However, for every joke that is accepted there is a pile of jokes that are rejected. He started a websited called Rejected Jokes to air these Jokes and America Loves it!

Here are the rejected jokes for the second week of June '06. Look out for a Surprise Appearance by Myself, playing, the Role of Paul Scheer.