Thursday, August 24

Grover Cleveland Hates Vampires!

No books have been written about our 22nd President, Grover Cleveland and that's a real shame. Because as a leader of the Bourbon Democrats he opposed imperialism, taxes, corruption, and vampires. That's right, Vampires! In 1894 President Cleveland instituted the "No Bloodsucker Act" which called for the genocide of the Vampire Race in North America. Not wanting to be known as a man who let someone else do his dirty work, Cleveland was responsible for the execution of over 250 vampires in a 6 month period (historians note that upwards of 50 of those vampires were baby vampires, but regardless that was still an impressive feat). Some even say that Cleveland was the basis for the Marvel Comic book character Blade. While insiders at Marvel have anonmously agreed with this theory many also added that Grover Clevland was much more bad ass than Blade and subsquently the character was toned tone to make him more believable. So everyday that you are not drinking the blood of the living, thank Grover Cleveland, a Real American Hero.


At 8:07 PM, Blogger somethingfresh said...

Well, he didn't do a very good job because our 29th President Warren Harding was killed by a vampire. They called it a stroke, but here's the truth. Apparently, Pres. Harding was bitten by a vampire while on a ship headed to San Francisco. A dude from the Federal Vampire and Zombie Association was asked to meet the boat because of his condition. The prez was found in a vamiric coma (is that even a word) with puncture wounds on his neck. Cyanide eased Harding's pain and was used to protect the country from another vampire. After further investigation special agents discovered that the attack might have been linked to Al Capone.

Who knew Al had peeps in the underworld. And I really have no idea why I know this stupid of piece of crap, but it seemed fitting.


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