Monday, August 21

What I Learned From Snakes on a Plane


  • Snakes are not indigenous to Hawaii.
  • Don't leave your can of Red Bull at a crime scene.
  • Snakes can not get into 1st class.
  • Always pack a bow and arrow in luggage just in case the hero of your flight needs a weapon while he/she is in the cargo hold.
  • Rich British people are assholes.
  • The snake guy who lives in the dessert is probably up to no good.
  • Snakes are attracted to breasts, specifically hot girl's nipples.
  • Eventhough Xbox flight simulators are incredibly thorough they don't teach you how to land a plane.
  • Male Chauvenists and Germophobe Rappers can be heroic when in stressful situations.
  • Just because you are a championship kickboxer, don't flaunt it! As a matter of fact, never show anyone your moves outside the ring, even if you are in a deadly situation, just allude to how good you are.
  • Hot stewardesses are attracted to dangerous men.
  • Beware! Because sometimes you might be having a dream where you feel like someone is going down on you, only to find that it's actually a snake and that snake wants to eat out your eye and live in your skull.
and Finally....
Always Check Behind the Lais


What did you Learn?

8 Comments:

At 5:06 PM, Anonymous Vanessa said...

other than being a federal offense, removing smoke detectors can have lethal consequences.

 
At 5:32 PM, Blogger Pam said...

If not flown properly, a plane may go down faster than a Thai hooker.

 
At 5:42 PM, Anonymous darren said...

I learned that when dealing with snake bites, time is tissue.

Also that Burmese pythons can catch dogs in their mouths like dogs catch frisbees.

 
At 8:53 PM, Blogger Itchy said...

I learned that my taste in movies has seriously declined over the years...

Oh...and that you should always carry a taser when walking in the woods for they are good for stopping snakes...

 
At 10:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

psst... it wasn't a bow an arrow.

i believe it was a harpoon gun.

-cg

 
At 6:20 PM, Anonymous shanaj said...

I learned that kenan thompson is still alive...


...and that he ate kel.

 
At 12:29 AM, Blogger Kevin said...

I learned a barricade of luggage can stop lethal snakes. Until some idiot decides to rescue a baby.

 
At 7:13 PM, Blogger Pinki said...

Your post was so informative, I now feel I am completely educated on the subject of snakes on a plane, and fully prepared should such a situation ever arise. It also however renders the act of me leaving my house the watch the movie completely pointless. So I will just stay home..... and watch t.v. ..... My house seems to be slowly closing in......

 

Post a Comment

<< Home