Monday, March 12

FYI: Jay Z is Doing Great!


Now that Jay Z has turned 30, a lot of people have been wondering, "How's he doing?" and I'm proud to say that after listening to his new single "30 Something"...He's doing just fine, actually better than fine he's great. Don't believe me, let's take a look at what he has to say.. (These are actual lyrics)

Right off the bat, he gets into it...

You ain’t got enough stamps on your passport to fuck with Young H.O.
International, uh…
So by this admission I guess the only person that could "fuck" with Jay Z would be Richard Branson and from my experience Branson makes Nas look like a total pussy, so watch out!

That by the song’s end I’ll prolly start another trend
That's a lot of trends, especially if you account for every station that plays this song, that's hundrends of trends a day. I'm thinking at the end of my song, the trend he started was making it cool for people to exclaim "Juicelicious" after drinking a NAKED fruit juice. I did.

I got that 6-deuce with curtains so you can’t see me
And I didn’t even have to put tints on it
Seriously, I don't even know what that is. But it sounds expensive.

I don’t got the bright watch, I got the right watch
Jay Z continues his feud with Casio glow in the dark watches. It's getting ugly.

I don’t buy out the bar, I bought the Nightspot
This just feels like semantics to me. They are both risky investments.

I know you like, “Fuck!”
o-kay?

Now I got Black Cards, good credit and such
I was really happy to hear that he finally figured out his credit, I know when he was a kid he tried to scam Columbia House CD Club by not paying them for all the CD's he bought and I know that was lowering his credit score, so Bravo to you young Jeezy!

Gotta stop playin’ with these childrens, yeah
Yes, you do. Actually don't put that in a song.

Don’t let the patent leather shoes fool you young’un
I got the fully in the tux
Again, I don't know what he means but I'm oddly intimidated.

Got a sum on me to hire a gun army get you spun like laundry
And I’ll be somewhere under palm trees, calmly
Listening to R&B
I just like the idea of a gangland execution happening in one state and Jay Z listining to Pebo Bryson in another.

Ya’ll drink Dom, but not Rose’
Either way, we are talking about 2 expensive drinks.I wouldn't hang your hat on that insult.

Ya chick shop at the mall
My chick burning down Bergdorf’s
Actually my mall has a Nordstrom which seems on par with a Bergdorfs, I'm just saying.

Ya’ll respect the one who got shot, I respect the shooter
Wow! Okay. That's a contrary viewpoint. He's like the Ann Coulter of the Rap World.

So I hope that clears things up. Jay Z is doing Great!

2 Comments:

At 5:46 PM, Blogger Tits McGee said...

You're juicelicious, Paul Scheer.

 
At 7:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're a joke! not funny at all!

 

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