Monday, October 1

Why Life on "The Hills" is So Much Better than Your Life



As I previously mentioned, I am addicted to "The Hills." Feel free to mock me, because 2 weeks ago I would have mocked me too. BUT THAT'S UNTIL I WATCHED IT. Oh it's so good.

So over the last 3 weeks, I was a Hills junky I watched like 2 1/2 seasons of the show (which sounds like a lot, but each episode is like 15 minutes long. So it was only about 10 hours of my life wasted, which is still is really embarrassing but you know what I always say, I can't get enough of that damn Jason Wahler) Now I'm hooked, that or I'm totally brainwashed by LC's giant sunglasses. Either way I can't wait to see what happens next and now whenever I hear Natasha Bedingfield's 'Unwritten' (The Hills Theme song) I think of how Heidi and Lauren were once best friends and now enemies and how Audrina once thought she liked a guy and then realized she didn't and how every problem that these girls encounter can be so easily solved by going out and getting drunk. Yes. Yes. The Hills are alive with the arrogance of youth and I Love it!

5 Ways That Life on the "The Hills" Kicks Your Life's Ass!

1.) No significant other in your life is as supportive as Spencer. He kinda borders on that fine line of being a supportive boyfriend and being Christian Bale's character from American Psycho. If this show continues for a few more seasons I guarantee you he will murder someone with an axe while listening to Huey Lewis and the News and that will make things weird between him and Heidi for at least half and episode.

2.) Because you never met anyone who works at Teen Vogue. Check this out, fifty percent of the 4 person cast of The Hills works there, so yeah suck it. LC and Whitney are like the Woodward and Bernstein of Fashion Journalism. Even though they work in a closet and Whitney's promotion only really entailed moving her desk to a different angle of the office she was previously in, these girls are breaking the big stories. They were definitely the 1st people I knew who blew the lid off the fact, that the lead singer from Red Jumpsuit Apparatus totally wears ladies, size 8 jeans. Yeah. You probably don't even know who Red Jumpsuit Apparatus even are.



3.) Unlike you, the dudes on the show, really care about their appearances. You probably never think about if your gold chain matches your belt buckle. These guys do. They have to, because if they go out in the wrong v-neck black sleeve-less T with contrasting white baseball cap and then see someone else in the same one, things are going to get AWKWARD and Quick. It doesn't stop there these guys have relationships figured out too. Did you know that some of the dudes on The Hills have 2 separate phones? One for Bros and One for Ho's. That's smart, in one move that eliminates even looking at call waiting. Take that Dr. Keith Albow. That's real relationship advice!

4.) You Don't Know Brent Bolthouse! They Do. Yes, The Brent Bolthouse... of Bolt House Productions. If event/party planning was a race, Brent Bolthouse would be in that race.

5.) Because you don't hang out in the upstairs VIP room at Les Deux. You are probably on the main floor mingling with Hollywood wannabees and LA Losers. Instead when you are on The Hills you get an all-access pass to the upstairs which is a world populated by Equinox trainers, Bruce Jenner's offspring, and the distinct smell of cocaine mixed with Old Spice Endurance Bodywash. Now that's VIP and that's THE HILLS! Welcome Bitches!

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3 Comments:

At 7:56 PM, Blogger sarah schneider said...

Paul, I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of you after this post.

Have you made Unwritten your ring tone yet? BECAUSE YOU WILL.

 
At 5:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pretty good...

I just have to say that the man obsessed with wearing his girl pants was NOT the lead singer of Red Jumpsuit. Just thought I would pass that on ;)

 
At 12:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

and we definitely know who the band is (:

 

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